MISTAKE

Your winter coat may soon carry a passport

A product-passport scheme in preparation would give every garment a scannable record of its fibres, its factory and its repairs. The rule would work exactly as designed. The trouble would start with the coats that came before it.

SATIREBy 20304 min read
A second-hand shop rail at closing time, one coat's tag lit by a phone screen while the coats beside it stay dark.

Under rules being prepared for the textile sector, every garment sold would carry a machine-readable product passport: fibre composition, the factory that assembled it, the chemicals used in finishing, instructions for repair and an expected route for disposal. The tag would be scannable from a phone. The record would follow the coat for as long as the coat exists, which in the case of a good winter coat is usually longer than the company that made it.

The consumer case is unusually clean. A buyer would be able to see, before paying, that a coat sold as wool is substantially not wool, that its shell and lining cannot be separated for recycling, and that the manufacturer has published no repair instructions at all. None of this is secret today. It is simply spread across eleven places, none of which is the label.

The passport would also accumulate. A repair logged by an approved workshop would be written into the record: a replaced zip, a relined sleeve, a patch at the elbow. Within a few seasons the resale market would notice that a coat with two documented repairs is worth more than one with none, because a documented repair is evidence that the garment can be repaired at all. This would reverse a century of retail instinct, in which visible mending lowered the price.

“The passport describes the product, not the person wearing it,” a spokesperson for the scheme would say. “We are aware that the second-hand market may read it differently. We can regulate what the record contains. We cannot regulate what a buyer chooses to infer from a gap in it.”

The gap is where the scheme would turn strange. A coat made before the rule has no passport and never will. A coat whose manufacturer has since closed has a passport that resolves to nothing. A coat mended by a neighbour rather than an approved workshop has a silent decade in its file. All three coats would be equally warm. Only one category of them would be easy to sell.

Charity shops and market stalls would meet the question first, because their entire stock predates the rule. A coat on a weighed rail tells no lies; it simply says nothing. Resale platforms, which have every commercial reason to prefer a record over an argument, would add a filter for passported items, switch it on by default, and describe it as a quality feature.

This is the rare scenario in which nothing malfunctions. The regulation would do precisely what it was written to do: make the material history of an object legible to the person buying it. The side effect would be a new class of undocumented objects — perfectly serviceable, entirely unexplainable, and increasingly difficult to pass on to anybody who was not given them by a relative.

This story is satire: it describes a hypothetical future, not a real event.

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AI20212025

What we wrote

We wrote it in 2021

One day the junior developer's main skill could be describing the problem clearly enough for the machine to solve it.

What actually happened

Reality caught up in 2025

AI coding assistants are built into mainstream development tools, and producing code from a plain-language description is now a routine part of professional software work.

Vendor product documentation and developer surveys on assistant adoption.

The joke was the job description. The job description was updated.

How close we were88%

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