MISTAKE

Your job interview may happen with nobody in the room

A hiring workflow now taking shape would let the candidate's agent and the employer's screening system run the entire process between them. The two humans would meet at the offer stage, each having approved documents neither of them wrote.

SATIRENext year5 min read
Two empty chairs facing each other across a meeting table while a wall screen scrolls an interview transcript nobody is reading.

Nobody would design this. It would assemble itself, the way workflows do, out of two systems installed separately for sensible reasons. Employers would deploy automated screening because application volumes make human reading impossible. Candidates would deploy agents because automated screening makes human writing pointless. The meeting point would be a conversation with full attendance and nobody present.

The candidate's side would start from a brief: eleven years, three industries, a preference for smaller teams, travel no more than monthly. The agent would expand this into a CV tuned to each posting, truthful in every particular and written in a register the candidate has never used in their life. The employer's side would begin from three bullet points in a manager's calendar invitation, expanded by a different system into a job description with a paragraph about mission.

The screening interview would then take place between the two, in text, at a speed neither human could follow. The agent would answer competency questions with real projects the candidate genuinely delivered and has not thought about in four years. The screening system would score those answers against a rubric assembled from the last two hundred hires. Both would be doing their jobs correctly. A round would also cost nothing on either side, so both sides would add rounds: a process that once ran to three conversations would run to nine, none of them attended and all of them documented.

“Nothing in this process would be false,” a recruitment technology adviser would point out. “That is what would make it difficult to regulate. There is no misrepresentation to prohibit. There is only an absence, and we do not currently have a legal test for absence.”

Audit obligations would fall on one side only. The employer's screening system would be logged, tested for bias and disclosed to the candidate, because those rules were written when only employers had the machines. The candidate's agent would be governed by nothing at all, which sounds like an advantage until the first offer is accepted on terms the candidate never read.

The offer meeting would be the first genuinely human event. The manager would arrive having read a summary written by their own system. The candidate would arrive having read a summary written by theirs. The first unassisted sentence exchanged between two people in a fourteen-week process would concern parking, and both would be quietly relieved to find themselves on familiar ground.

What such a process produces is not deception but evaporation. Every statement accurate, every step documented, every requirement met. Somewhere inside it would be a person who wants the job and a person who needs the work done, and the system would connect them flawlessly while ensuring that neither ever had to say so out loud.

This story is satire: it describes a hypothetical future, not a real event.

Editorial Policy

If you liked this…

Still laughing

We made it up. Then reality caught up.

View all
AI20212025

What we wrote

We wrote it in 2021

One day the junior developer's main skill could be describing the problem clearly enough for the machine to solve it.

What actually happened

Reality caught up in 2025

AI coding assistants are built into mainstream development tools, and producing code from a plain-language description is now a routine part of professional software work.

Vendor product documentation and developer surveys on assistant adoption.

The joke was the job description. The job description was updated.

How close we were88%

MISTAKE

TOMORROW, DELIVERED TODAY.

One email a week. The future, before it files a press release.

Worst case: you laugh. Best case: we predicted the future.